What if you gave your heart or body to someone before you met your spouse? I invite you to think about how that would impact your future relationships.

From my perspective, I can affirm that your future spouse will greatly appreciate you for choosing to stay pure before marriage. Don’t fall for the temptations, beloved, and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t have the same heart as you for the Lord.

When you are truly ready for a relationship, there are ways to be proactive without going against God’s will. I will share those more in detail, but please read all the points instead of skipping ahead to an easy fix.

I wanted to talk about this topic because I know that many struggle and have questions, but have often been given a cursory answer.

My Story

I know what it’s like to struggle with singleness. For a long time, I had a deep yearning to be in a romantic relationship, but God didn’t provide me with a special someone until I was fully content in my singleness and my identity in him.

I think this set my heart in the right posture to then be ready for dating, not needing a spouse for happiness or fulfillment, but as an added bonus to my contentment in Christ.

Embracing Singleness

Learn how to fully appreciate your individual identity in the Lord before pursuing a spouse. For now, enjoy the life God has given you!

Even when you start dating / get married, you will need to stay strong in your individual identity if you are to live a spiritually healthy life and raise a spiritually healthy family. Otherwise, you will either have an idolization of your future spouse when it should belong to God, or not have the spiritual grounding that your relationship needs.

The season of singleness and the season of marriage each comes with its own pros and cons. The grass is always greener on the other side; I’ve heard married people missing the freedom and time of being single and I hear single people yearning to be in a relationship. Neither one is better, just different.

I know you feel frustrated, but let this work run its full course. (James 1:4)

A Reason For This Season

God is very intentional with where you are in life. Over the course of my lifetime, I have seen how God works in people’s lives including my own; he always has something special to show us in different seasons. Pay attention to the work he is doing in your life and the lesson he wants to teach you. 

When I started dating, I realized there’s a lot of work I still need to do on myself! Had I not fully utilized the time of being single to mature in Christ, I would be even more unprepared.

Perhaps you are single at the moment, because God is preparing you and your future spouse. So, make the most out of the time you have by looking for opportunities to grow, prepare for the future, and enjoy who God made you to be.

Is Companionship the Answer?

Loneliness can be felt even when you’re surrounded by others. Feeling lonely in the company of others can actually intensify the emotional impact. Even married folks experience loneliness.¹

Many people believe that being married or having a family can alleviate feelings of loneliness. This is a false promise of fulfillment. It is a lie from Satan to dig you deeper into despair. As Christians, we are called to fellowship regularly with other believers, but our fellowship with God should be our top priority and ultimate source of joy.

The essence of our being is created to live in fellowship with God and people. (John 17:3, Genesis 2:18) I can say with confidence that my feelings of loneliness dissipate whenever I focus on my time with God and in His word, not necessarily with other people.

Focus on Productive Pursuits

I’ve heard of many Christians struggling with sexual temptation or frustration in their singleness as well. For now, you can redirect your frustration into community/church service, active hobbies, or interesting projects. Staying busy in your free time will mitigate those temptations and thoughts from taking over.

Consider Joseph, who focused on working for the Lord and maintaining integrity, avoiding temptation (Genesis 39:8-9). Contrast this with King David, who fell into temptation due to idleness, neglecting God’s work (2 Sam 11:2-4).

God loves you and is withholding this for your best interest. I know it doesn’t feel like that right now, but he is. God’s timing is perfect and when the time is right, he will not delay, so do not rush this special season of your life. I share this from personal experience.

Getting Out There

Some Christian couples have recommended ‘Coffee Meets Bagel,’ a dating app they found helping in their search for a spouse. When expressing interest in someone, just be yourself, whether you’re a guy or a girl. Don’t forget to protect your heart and keep expectations realistic. Your feelings may not be reciprocated. Before diving into the dating pool, make sure you’re at peace with yourself and with God. And remember, God’s in charge, so trust His plan for your love life.

Conclusion

Preparing for relationships and embracing singleness means understanding yourself, growing spiritually, and trusting in God’s timing. Choosing purity and focusing on personal growth are key stepping stones in your journey. Singleness is a great time for learning and building a strong foundation for your future.

Loneliness may remain despite companionship, so prioritize your relationship with God. Keep busy with productive activities and trust that God’s timing is best. Whether seeking relationships or embracing singleness, don’t forget how precious and unique you are to God.