Someone asked for my thoughts on a video about wedding costs. I think it’s a good opportunity to address the issues stemming from the wrong mindset and values of culture. I’ll be speaking from a bride’s point of view, but these perspectives are helpful for both parties.

There are several internal reasons why weddings get so out of hand.

1. Placing your hopes and happiness in marriage

If you were to eat a delicious buffet, it would fill you up – but only for a moment. In the same way, chasing after your own happiness will never leave you satisfied. 

People choose to place their hope in many things: money, talents, status, etc. Objectively it may seem silly, but we’re naturally inclined to rely on things that can change in an instant. Placing your hope in these things will only leave you feeling more empty than before. What then should we place our hopes in?

“Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy.” (1 Timothy 6:17)

The good news is that God does not change, and is worthy of placing our hopes in. He doesn’t work like a genie granting all your wishes. It means that in the process of being more like Christ and more like the person you were created to be, you will find happiness. Your issues may not be fixed now, but it will be one day. That is why we can have a sure hope. “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…” (Hebrews 6:19) If you have tasted the goodness and fellowship with God, you will find that nothing else in this world satisfies as much.

2. Spending loads of money to show off

Christians should only care how God sees them. If you chase status, you will end up wasting so much time and energy to keep up appearances. Wouldn’t you rather have a great life than a life that seems great?

3. Being a bride that does it all

The biblical view of marriage is about union and teamwork. If you’re a bride or groom, talk about how much or how little you’d prefer to be involved in the wedding planning process. This may result in the bride doing more work, but only because she wants to. 

The bible tells Christians to bear each other’s burdens. This means helping others when they are in need (and willing to accept help as well). Preparing for marriage is a lot of work, but we can do so joyfully. Afterall, a wedding should be a celebration, not a chore.

4. Defining marriage as a contract

Marriage is spiritual and the focus should be on the union of two people and their lives for the betterment of both people (aka sanctification). Having floral decorations are nice, but it certainly does not define your marriage nor influence the relationship you have with your future spouse. If you keep this in perspective, your expectations and spending will stay reasonable – then choosing a tablecloth won’t turn you into a bridezilla!

5. Having a false sense of freedom

I agree that cultural feminism is a false sense of freedom, but as with the other points in the video, it falls a bit short. True freedom is found in choosing to believe in the truth. “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

The reason why Jesus is so controversial is because his teachings are so different from culture (even more so at the time he preached). It may seem crazy, even foolish, to his followers, but his ways lead to life and ultimately freedom to pursue the things that are good for us in the long run, not what makes us feel good in the moment.