Discovering love languages isn’t just a trend; it’s a real game-changer for building solid connections. As the Bible reveals that God is love (1 John 4:7-12), we should also unpack the unique ways we are called to show and receive love.

I highly encourage you to build a strong understanding of what biblical love is before diving deeper into the nuances of love languages; Love is not just patient and kind; it’s a whole package. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

The Divine Design

In the book of Genesis, we learn that God created man and woman in His own image. That means, we each carry a divine imprint of our creator’s love. However, God didn’t mold us as carbon copies but intentionally crafted us with diverse personalities, preferences, and yes, love languages.

Identifying Your Love Languages

In 1992, Gary Chapman introduced the idea of love languages in his book “The Five Love Languages.” Rooted in biblical principles, these languages–Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch–serve as a guide to understanding how God uniquely designed us for connection. Chapman’s work has been influential in clarifying the dynamics of love and human connection (Chapman, G. (1992). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield Publishing).

Understanding your primary love language involves reflecting on the ways you naturally express love and feel most loved. Let’s explore the five primary love languages and key indicators that can help you identify which ones resonate most with you.

1. Words of Affirmation: Speaking God’s Truth

For those whose love language is Words of Affirmation, gracious words are like a honeycomb–sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (Proverbs 16:24) You find genuine appreciation and encouraging words uplifting for your soul. As Christians, we can channel God’s love through our speech, offering encouragement, compliments, and affirmations that reflect His grace and goodness.

A person on the receiving end of compliments and uplifting words may interpret your words as disingenuine flattery. Ask God for wisdom in when you should or should not use words of affirmation. This will help you to be purposeful and prevent your words from becoming white noise to the receiver.

One way to show your genuineness is to talk about their faults or areas of improvement as well (if it is fitting). Depending on the relationship, consider if it would be more appropriate to communicate in a playful, gentle, or direct manner.

2. Acts of Service: Mirroring God’s Servant Heart

As noted in Ephesians 2:10, we are all called to do good works.

As you serve or receive service, remember that Jesus is the ultimate servant, displaying his humility and selflessness in many ways throughout his life such as washing the feet of His disciples. Embrace opportunities to serve others, whether through simple acts or grand gestures, reflecting the servant heart of Christ.

It is such a blessing to serve others, but keep in mind that doing too much can cause you to feel emotionally or physically drained, and may encourage laziness in others. Serving, especially in the background, can be a thankless job. Be careful not to seek the praise and acknowledgement of man, but be encouraged that God sees all that you do. (Matthew 6:3-4)

3. Receiving Gifts: Embracing God’s Generosity

Rooted in James 1:17, the love language of Receiving Gifts reflects God’s lavish generosity. Offering thoughtful gifts to others mirrors God’s tangible expressions of love, acknowledging that every good and perfect gift comes from above.

If you like to give gifts, be careful not to place too much importance on materialism. Some people may feel overwhelmed by receiving more stuff in their limited living space, or simply don’t want more things in this era of capitalism, so here’s a gentle reminder to be mindful of the person’s perspective.

4. Quality Time: Embodying God’s Presence

Quality Time is a love language that craves undivided attention and shared moments. In understanding and valuing this language, we reflect God’s desire for an intimate relationship with us. Hebrews 10:25 encourages us to keep gathering in a community, setting aside time for meaningful connections, just as God seeks a personal connection with each of us.

If spending quality time with people is very important to you or your loved ones, plan a schedule with mutually enjoyable activities to help maintain your relationships. If your life schedule is too packed for breathing room or interruptions, you should definitely reevaluate your responsibilities and make adjustments to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

5. Physical Touch: More Than Just a Hug

Physical Touch, often associated with hugs, kisses, or simple gestures, mirrors God’s comforting touch. Song of Solomon 2:6 expresses something beyond the warmth of physical touch, conveying comfort and presence from the physical touch of another person. As we express love through physical contact, we echo the warmth and intimacy found in the embrace of our heavenly Father.

If you strongly relate to this love language, you may also struggle more with the temptation of sexual immorality. For the sake of holiness and purity, be careful about your physical environment and setting healthy boundaries while you express this love language.

While temptation is not a sin, it would be wise for you to keep a good distance from temptation if possible. Because every person is different, there is no universal rule on how you should behave.

Different folks have varying comfort levels with physical intimacy. While some may find hugging perfectly acceptable, others might struggle when it comes to holding hands. It’s crucial to use your best judgment to avoid putting yourself in situations that could lead to temptation.

Reflecting on Personal Experiences

To identify your primary love language, reflect on past experiences and pay attention to the ways you naturally express love or feel most loved. Consider which love language resonates with you in various relationships–be it with family, friends, or God.

Embracing Your Love Language in Faith

Understanding your primary love language helps deepen your connection with both God and people. As you lean into your unique love language, you open yourself to experiencing the fullness of God’s love and reflecting that love back to Him and others.

Conclusion

I hope this journey of discovering your love language is exciting so far! It’s just the start of the adventure. It’s essential to recognize that the way you receive love may differ from how you express it, and everyone has unique preferences. For instance, you might value encouraging words more than gifts, but those close to you might appreciate the reverse.

Take the initiative to understand the love languages of those nearest to you, considering both how they give and receive love. Don’t forget to communicate your own love languages as well to foster a deeper connection with them. In doing so, we honor the uniqueness God has made while contributing to a beautiful display of love that reflects the glory of who God is.