I’ve seen many women worried about taking too much initiative when they are interested in a guy. Dating is not easy because relationships are not easy and people are not perfect. Be gracious with yourself and with others during this process. In this article, we’ll be covering several points to bring clarity and guidance to your situation.

Before you start

Learn about the person and see how he treats you as a friend before considering a romantic relationship.

Observe how he treats others, and what his lifestyle is like. The friendship phase doesn’t need to go on for very long. Spending time together in different environments and group settings will speed up this process, revealing his true nature.

How to Pursue

It’s always good to clarify: If you are interested in dating someone and wonder if he might also be interested in you, give him hints and opportunities to pursue you by providing him with opportunities to spend time with you and learn more about you.

Despite cultural expectations or norms, men are sensitive too. He may not have the confidence to ask you out until he knows or suspects that you are interested in him. I think this is true for people in general. Most people have a fear of rejection which stems from our natural desire for belonging.

What to Look For

After you’ve clearly shown interest, the ball is now in his court [to pursue you]. You cannot force someone to like you, and should not try to manipulate someone’s feelings either.

A husband should ‘hold fast to’ or ‘cleave to’ his wife. (Genesis 2:24) If a guy is interested in you, he should be naturally motivated to pursue you. If he doesn’t, he isn’t interested.

Sidenote: After marriage, a man should not stop pursuing his wife and working to make her feel loved.

If the Feeling’s Mutual

After learning a good amount about each other, and he shows interest in you as a person, it’s time to be direct about your intentions.

If he hasn’t clearly asked you out on a date or stated his romantic interest in you, ask for clarity on the relationship to avoid hurtful misunderstandings and wasted time. It’s important for both of you to continue a relationship, even purely a friendship, with clear expectations. If it is helpful to the conversation, communicate your interest in him and why.

Don’t get offended if he seems unsure or wants to stay friends for the time being. Some people are naturally more cautious or may have been hurt in a previous relationship. Ask a close friend or family member for their insight on your situation.

Teamwork

Both people are responsible for making or breaking a relationship. You can allow the guy to lead by showing support and providing opportunities for him to lead. The leading and supporting roles are equally as important.

Keep in mind that some guys don’t know how to lead or are still learning. Don’t put them down for their lack of skill in this area. He may want to treat you well, but lacks the skill or knowledge to. Continue communicating and teaching him how he could better lead you in the relationship. Be patient and persistent, observing if he listens and makes improvements.

Communicate your desire for him to lead in the relationship. If he doesn’t put in effort, he’s not a keeper. If he does put in effort and there is no improvement, provide suggestions or support. Ideally, he should have a support group or advice from other men.

When It’s Not Right For You

If you are frequently discontent, the relationship may not be right for you. Conversely, you may not be mature enough for a romantic relationship or may have some unrealistic expectations. 

When we are feeling emotional, it is difficult to make rational decisions. The next time you get upset, give yourself time and space to calm down. Make it a daily habit to count your blessings, and stay humble, remembering that you are a work in progress.

Dating can be very stressful at times so make sure you spend time on your emotional health too.