The frustrations are real. Sometimes you have good reason to be, but has anyone truly changed because you forced them to? God certainly knows how stubborn we can be. Since he gave us free will, he allows us to choose how we live. (Jeremiah 18:12)

1. Focus on the Root, Not the Fruit

Too often, we try to change people’s behavior and actions, but this focus is too surface level. Jesus walks people through their struggles and helps them to examine their heart. Having a relationship with God is what prompts real and lasting change in people. Ultimately, he focuses on the why before the what, and we should too.

2. Go to God

Though we may have good intentions, we cannot control someone’s attitude nor should we try to. Each person is responsible for making their own decisions – the only exception to that is when parenting young children. What you can do is pray. When we find ourselves frustrated with someone’s attitude or actions, pray for the following:

1. Awareness – To help them recognize their faults
2. Humility – To help them accept their faults
3. Community – for other people to speak truth into their life, and confirm what God wants to show them in this season

While we should always focus on the heart matters first, the Bible also provides practical wisdom that we can apply to handle these situations well.

Philippians 2:3-4
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Hebrews 12:14-16
Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 18:19
A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city,
And contentions are like the bars of a castle.

3. Work on Yourself

While it’s easy to nitpick others, we should also work on ourselves. Ask the Lord to reveal any wrong perspective or selfish attitude that you may have, and to patiently teach you.

The more we imitate Jesus, the more of an impact we can make on the people around us. In the New Testament, we see examples of how the holiness of Jesus brought people to repentance (Luke 5:8, Luke 19:1-10) when contrasted with their own sinful nature. While not guaranteed to cause repentance in someone’s heart, being a faithful follower of Christ provides a good witness and a good influence that may be used to draw someone near to God.