Forgiveness on Repeat: How to Handle Offenses with Grace and Caution

Being forgetful is a challenge for me, but sometimes it is a blessing when it comes to forgiving others. Jesus teaches us that forgiveness is a continual choice, not a one-time deal. (Matthew 18:21-22)

I have learned that it’s important to forgive the offense of a memory every time it creeps back in, even if you have already made the initial choice to forgive, and reconciled the relationship.

Memory Meltdown

Memory is a mysterious thing. Random thoughts trigger bad memories when we least expect it. Whenever I recall an offense committed against me, I experience the anger and hurt all over again, but forgiveness is choosing not to hold onto that offense, not letting it hurt you further nor letting it become a weapon to use against the other person.

Learning to Love the Offender

When you start seeing people as more than the sum of their mistakes, and look to love them, forgiveness becomes much easier to practice and almost feels natural.  I know it can be hard to forgive when others don’t admit to their mistakes, but we are called to love like Jesus who  chose to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8)

No Forgiveness Freeloaders

Please don’t let someone abuse your forgiveness. Forgiveness is meant to encourage a better relationship or future – ultimately, for one to pursue a godly life with confidence instead of dwelling on the guilt or shame of the past. It should not be used as an excuse to keep on sinning (Romans 6:1-2) nor is it something we demand from others.

Mercy Over Memory

Forgiveness isn’t about pretending like nothing ever happened. It’s about saying, “I remember, but I choose not to let it define us.” I believe ‘not keeping record of wrongs’ in 1 Corinthians 13:1 simply means not keeping track of their offenses to use as a weapon against them, not pretending to have amnesia. As with anything else, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Sometimes, it may be wise to distance yourself or set boundaries with those who repeatedly hurt you.

Time Doesn’t Heal, But It Helps

Give yourself grace and time to heal. If you need more time to heal, communicate that with the other person. When you’re ready for the relationship again, reach out to start regrowing trust and friendship.

Conclusion

In conclusion, forgiveness isn’t about forgetting the past or letting people walk all over you. It’s about choosing to move forward without carrying the weight of past grievances. Forgiveness frees us from the burden of resentment and opens the door to healing and reconciliation. It’s a continual journey that requires humility, grace, and a willingness to let go of the past while still remembering its lessons.