Quietly Bold: A Guide to Thoughtful Speech

How do I hold back my words? I’ve been contemplating lately on how to stay quiet when I know I should, especially in triggering situations. Be it friends or family, it’s naturally harder to filter your communication when we are around people we are very comfortable with. Let’s talk about key triggers and ways to control our tongue in a manner that supports a healthy mindset.

Fighting Words

People gossip. I’ve been belittled, made a scapegoat, or wrongly spoken about. And you know what? That’s okay. Over the years, I’ve come to terms that if I live with a clean conscience, I shouldn’t have to constantly defend myself.

A peace of mind is more important than fighting every battle. Whack-a-mole gets tiring quick. Now I try to twice before reacting and save energy for more meaningful pursuits like planning fun activities for the weekend. There’s a time to stand up for oneself, but in the grand scheme of life, many of these battles aren’t worth the fight.

Wrong Hearing

I’ve been guilty of this one. ‘Wrong hearing’ refers to a misunderstanding of someone’s intentions. Maybe you’ve thought a friend was angry with you because of how they responded when, in reality, they were just tired and distracted.

Misunderstandings might be great for TV dramas, but they’re not helpful in real relationships. I’ve had moments where I got upset, thinking a friend was ignoring me, when they were actually just tired or distracted. Before you react to a comment or reaction, check in with the person first. It’s worth clarifying before jumping to conclusions.

Loving Our Enemies

As followers of Jesus, we should also exhibit his love for others, including those who are against us as Romans 12:21 says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

While we can be kind and caring, we should avoid enabling others to intentionally advantage of us. This is not so much about protecting our resources or mental energy as it is about following what is right: clearly defining what we do and do not support.

Be kind, but set boundaries. You don’t have to argue with those who disagree with you; instead, share your perspective when invited to. If they are looking to start an argument with you though, you might need a different approach.

Listening to Advice

Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” Wisdom isn’t just about following advice blindly. It comes from listening then making your own informed choices. Advice can be valuable, but you’re in charge of your own decisions. It’s your life, after all.

If you’re still living under your parent’s roof as a grown adult, making decisions can be tough. In such tricky situations, consider these steps:

• Work out a compromise and hold them to what was agreed upon.
• Carve out your own space that they cannot intrude on such as spending time at the library or a friend’s place every week.
• Provide only need-to-know information.

Seek additional advice if you’re unsure. Sometimes, a fresh perspective from a trusted friend or pastor can be invaluable.

Everyone Has an Opinion

Many people fight to share their opinion because they believe it needs to be heard. When others want to share, we should let them speak their mind instead of trying to talk over them. It is kind and more peaceful when we give others the space to talk.

Please don’t misunderstand. I am not saying that people’s opinions are unimportant, but we should avoid judging our opinions as more important than others’. Conversely, when there is a chance, do not stay silent if you have something to share. As someone who is a friend of introverts, I can say that there are people who want to hear your opinion!

Worry of Offending

I’m not always the best at communicating. Sometimes, what I think is a neutral comment comes across as rude. I’ve had to learn to consider how others might interpret my words and provide more context. Now, I often say things like, “I just wanted to let you know in case…” to avoid misunderstandings.

I used to worry all the time about what others thought. It was like walking on eggshells, always afraid of accidentally offending someone. But I’ve learned that this fear keeps us from forming real, meaningful connections.

When building a relationship, start small and share more as the relationship develops. As trust grows, allow yourself to be more open with your thoughts. If the person or group responds well, that’s your cue to share even more! After all, understanding each other’s character can smooth over a lot of potential misunderstandings. If things go awry, well, make sure to have a box of tissues handy!