Early on, I recognized the importance of mastering communication. From my own experience improving this skill, I hope the insights I’ve gained will enhance your relationships and overall quality of life.

Respectfully listen

You can respect someone without complete agreement with them. By listening calmly, you allow others to feel heard and valued. Though you may have disagreements, try your best to understand their perspective. There is often more value for you to listen rather than speak.

Remove assumptions and bad expectations

Jumping to conclusions about someone’s intentions is extremely harmful. It’s important to remember that misunderstandings can occur, and it’s difficult to make accurate judgments without open communication. Engaging in a conversation allows both parties to gain clarity. It provides an opportunity for reflection and understanding, whether the intentions were positive or not.

Don’t hold unspoken expectations for others, such as expecting someone to treat you to a nice meal on your birthday. Most people don’t even realize when they have expectations until they become upset and wonder why. The next time you are upset with someone, ask yourself:

• Why do I feel this way?
• Could I be misunderstanding something?
• Is there an unmet expectation that I haven’t communicated?
• Is it reasonable for me to set this expectation or be upset?

Stopping and reflecting on these questions have saved me many times from inflating a situation. If possible, keep others in the loop by informing them that you feel upset and need time to think.

Communicate what makes you feel loved and allow others the opportunity to do so willingly; don’t ever force others to do things for you. It is okay to set healthy expectations, depending on the context.

Holding expectations is different from having deal breakers: you should be selective with the people closest to you as this will affect your thinking, mood, and health. Spend time with people you want to be more like and strive for those qualities yourself.

Have a healthy disagreement

Approach arguments without the mindset of “I’m right, you’re wrong.” The purpose of a disagreement is not to assert your viewpoint, but to foster understanding and exchange perspectives. Prioritize the goal of understanding the motivations and thoughts of the other person before delving into the differences.

Determine the significance of the disagreement. Is it really worth fighting over how someone loads the toilet paper? Engaging in a lighthearted conversation, like debating whether cats or dogs are cuter, can be quite fun. However, if it’s an important disagreement, it’s best to refrain from joking about the topic.

A healthy way to conclude a disagreement is to come up with a  type of resolution such as a compromise. Consider if you value the relationship or your beliefs more. If it’s a disagreement with your spouse, work together to come up with a solution. If it results in a compromise, stick to what you promised and do not become bitter about what you agreed upon as that is not real compromise, but silent dissension. When I am upset, I sort my emotions out in prayer before resolving conflict with people.

Make sure you’re on the same page

It doesn’t hurt to use more words to thoroughly explain what you mean. (#overcommunication) General statements usually get misinterpreted which leads to frustration and hurt feelings. Make sure you and the other person share the same intentions and motivations for being in the relationship.

Consider a scenario where you and a friend plan to visit an art gallery together. You have the intention of spending quality time with your friend, while your friend’s main focus is appreciating the artwork. However, during the visit, your friend doesn’t give much attention to you, and you end up feeling hurt due to the perceived neglect.

This situation highlights the significance of communication, particularly when it comes to expressing intentions and expectations. To avoid the tv dramas, it’s beneficial to communicate your purpose and goals of an activity upfront, ensuring that everyone involved has aligned expectations. State the purpose of an activity with others beforehand to set the right expectations.

Be honest

When a friend asks about your well-being, don’t fake it out of politeness or fear of confrontation. Although it can be challenging, you will get better with practice. Take time to process your emotions before engaging in communication. Addressing an issue is nearly impossible if you don’t have a clear understanding of your own perspective. Once you’ve reflected on your thoughts and emotions, you can effectively communicate specific points for the other person to respond to.

If you find it challenging to open up and be vulnerable with someone, it’s helpful to communicate your struggle. Letting them know about your difficulties allows them to provide support and help create a safe space for both of you to share.

Ask about their preferred communication style and express your own preferences. By understanding each other’s communication preferences, you can establish a more effective and comfortable way of engaging in meaningful conversations.

Conclusion

Communication is not done with only our words, but through our actions. In fact, actions are more important, according to Matthew 21:29-31. Healthy relationships are meant to challenge us: to grow as people and become more loving. The process can be tough at times, but is worth it in the long run.

If you’re looking to develop new relationships, creating a welcoming space is one effective way to start.